Tuesday, December 16, 2014

there was a time when a moment like this wouldn't ever cross my mind

+ What's on: The Driver, by Bastille

There will be more later, but right now----

Right now I just want you to know that you all are the most amazing, patient, forgiving, and tolerant people in the world. There is nothing I can say or do to convey how much it means to me that you shared this journey with me, that you dared take a chance on a story so self-indulgent and strange and unrealistic. All I have is "thank you". That will never be enough, but---

Thank you.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

The King's Men

Neil Josten is out of time. He knew when he came to PSU he wouldn't survive the year, but with his death right around the corner he's got more reasons than ever to live.

Befriending the Foxes was inadvisable. Kissing one is unthinkable. Neil should know better than to get involved with anyone this close to the end, but Andrew's never been the easiest person to walk away from. If they both say it doesn't mean anything, maybe Neil won't regret losing it, but the one person Neil can't lie to is himself.

He's got promises to keep and a team to get to championships if he can just outrun Riko a little longer, but Riko's not the only monster in Neil's life. The truth might get them all killed—or be Neil's one shot at getting out of this alive.

The King's Men is currently available at Smashwords and Amazon.

More later, I'm off to panic quietly somewhere. ♥

Monday, December 1, 2014


+ What's on: Believe, by The Bravery

A small part of this was posted before, but that was way back in April 2013, so maybe you'll forgive me for including it? It would've made no sense to jump past that scene. Takes place ~4 years before the start of Foxhole Court.

April 29, Taurus

Sunday, November 30, 2014

2 (son nefes 5)

+ What's on: Famous, by Kelleigh Bannen

Timeline: One year before the events of The Foxhole Court. This is the fifth & last part of Son Nefes.

One - Two - Three - Four

February 22, Pisces

Saturday, November 29, 2014

3 (son nefes 4)

+ What's on: Goodnight Kiss, by Randy Houser

#3 (Andrew) and #2 (Kevin) are entering our countdown via the last two parts of Son Nefes.

November 4, Scorpio

Timeline: One year before the events of The Foxhole Court. Part one -- part two -- part three


+ What's on: The House Jack Built, by Metallica

It is 3am, why am I awake? Oh yeah, because I have poor time management skills. o__@ If I haven't gone to sleep yet is this still considered to be a day late?

August 5, Leo

Thursday, November 27, 2014


+ What's on: Home, by Daughtry

November 4, Scorpio

Wednesday, November 26, 2014


+ What's on: Fix Me, by 10 Years

April 21, Taurus

It's taken a lifetime to lose my way
A lifetime of yesterdays
All the wasted time on my hands turns to sand
And fades in the wind

Crossing lines, small crimes
Taking back what is mine

I'm fine in the fire
I feed on the friction
I'm right where I should be
Don't try and fix me


+ What's on: Love Runs Out, by OneRepublic

July 16, Cancer

Monday, November 24, 2014


+ What's on: Love Me Again, by John Newman

We're 8 days out from King's Men, 8 days away from me maybe getting some closure and getting my life back-- ha! Got confirmation from my boss that I'm off on December 2, so I'll be home to make sure the file uploads properly on Amazon & Smashwords. Jessi Qn, I don't think I can set it up for pre-order since I won't have the file formatted and ready until it's go time.

[[[Quasi-related: if anyone gets the book off Amazon (or does any shopping on Amazon) consider trying to get it from Amazon!Smile? -- it's the same huge, awesome site, but Amazon donates a tiny percentage of your purchase to a charity of your choice.]]]

For the next 8 days I'm attempting a little countdown of sorts, each day associated with the player who bears that number. Some of it will be background information, other days might have scraps of old scenes or whatnot. TBH it'll depend on what makes the most sense for the player in question when I sit down. Also it seems I've lost some of the files containing some of the players' basic stats, such as birthdays, so I guess I get to make up new ones. D:

We skipped 10 because Neil's story is a work in progress, and skipped 9 because Renee's story is built into SON NEFES and Dan's groundwork. SON NEFES, by the way, will be finished before King's Men comes out. There are two parts left, and they'll be kind of long and last-minute in our countdown, but those are the most appropriate dates on which to put them.

If I can stay on schedule (for once!), here is what we've got for the next week:

Nov 24 -- Nicky
Nov 25 -- Allison
Nov 26 -- Seth
Nov 27 -- Aaron
Nov 28 -- Matt
Nov 29 -- Andrew (via Son Nefes)
Nov 30 -- Kevin (via Son Nefes)
Dec 1 -- Dan
Dec 2 -- The King's Men

Fingers crossed----let's get this thing started.

May 23, Gemini

Tuesday, November 18, 2014


Friday, October 17, 2014

son nefes 3

+ What's on: Shut Me Up, by Mindless Self Indulgence

Throwing this up here on my way out the door (running late, whoops) so sorry if I messed up any of the spacing! I tried glancing it over but I might've missed a spot or two.

Timeline: One year before the events of The Foxhole Court. Part one was here. Part two was here.

Monday, September 22, 2014

son nefes 2

+ What's on: A Better Son/Daughter, by Rilo Kiley

From here on out the timeline gets a bit shaky.. I'm trying my hardest to line the rewrite up with the newest draft, but there are likely going to still be inconsistencies (and typos). Also, since I have no experience with what happens in this part, there is a good chance I've botched it and a better chance it's offensive in its inaccuracy? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Timeline: One year before the events of The Foxhole Court. Part one was here.

Friday, September 19, 2014

son nefes 1

+ What's on: Son Nefes, by Alihan Samedov

SON NEFES was a story written for fun, a take on the cousins' first year from Renee's POV. The original version was written back in 2009 when the story had some significant plot differences. I thought I could just tweak lines here and there to make the story work with the current timeline. Instead this is a quasi-rewrite. It took 5300 words to keep 2800, and this is just the first scene.

The entire thing will likely read a bit disjointed, as Son Nefes was intended to be a collection of scenes instead of an actual Beginning-Middle-End story. I guess we'll find out the hard way? Will try to post the rest of it at regular intervals. Apologies in advance for all the typos and profanity.

Timeline: One year before the events of The Foxhole Court.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

everyone is king when there's no one left to pawn

+ What's on: Beat the Devil's Tattoo, by BRMC

A couple scattered notes:

Love all the theories and conversations in the comments, was reading them at work Friday and my coworkers kept asking me if I was okay. Not a lot of reasons for any of us to smile at that job, so they weren't really sure what to make of my good mood! You guys are amazing.

Speaking of the job, I had a way out and chose not to take it. Misguided obligation, partly. Bad timing mostly. Good things come to those who wait and wait. Will keep my eyes open and keep pressing on.

Reached out to the last beta this weekend (last week? time is funny). I knew when I handed the story out that my betas were going through some crazy times themselves, so I wasn't expecting a quick turnaround from any of them. I'll let you know as soon as I hear back! They're worth their weight in gold, so thanks for waiting with me. ♥

Three months later I almost feel like writing again. Still a lot of dead-ends on most of my other projects (my three choices are all rewrites--I don't think I'm ever getting out of revision hell!), but I'd like to at least get back into the swing of things by editing Andrew & Renee's story. It's so long it'd probably have to get posted in pieces, but it could be fun. I'll have part of it done by Wednesday,** promise. Finally got the external harddrive working.

There was more, but I forgot it. Spent this weekend out of town helping the younger sis move for grad school, so I'm a little braindead right now.

**eta: Thursday. Was editing first part, then realized there's a continuity error in the story due to the rewrites between that story and this draft of the series. Couldn't remember where in the books the change happened so spent three hours scouring books 1 & 2 looking for that one line and then got caught up trying to add more kiss scenes to book 3. Blame the Yuengling. On the bright side, I found the line, so we're on track again. fml.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

I get more and more strange I'm going insane

+ What's on: Dysfunctional Family, by Cinema Bizarre

This is a post that's not really a post but what can you do? I said earlier this week I'd try to make an update today just to touch base. Was going to post a piece of Andrew & Renee's story, but am having minor technical difficulties with the external hard drive. I'll try again tomorrow, so if you're interested, check back here tomorrow afternoon! Until then, consider this to be the I'm-sorry-no-new-news placeholder. ♥

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

all smiles and no one remembers our names

+ What's on: Alexithymia, by Anberlin

Sorry, no news yet! Have reread book 3 since getting it back from the first two betas, though, and am happy (surprised?) to say I'm pleased with it. Is it perfect? Nothing ever will be. But it's the ending I wanted for the series.

Distracting myself with more Star Wars: The Old Republic than is probably healthy, but it's mindless entertainment. (Anyone else play?) I've tried figuring out a project to work on next, but I can't keep my thoughts settled on any one book. At least I'm thinking about writing again... for a few weeks I thought I'd just give up on writing entirely to make my life easier.

This past weekend I decided to learn how to crochet. For my first project I am (of course) working on an orange and white blanket. At the rate I'm going it will be done sometime next year. I probably should've aimed for something smaller and simpler as a first project, but ha! I damned myself when I tried to figure out how big to make it, because then everything about it had to have meaning, from the number of stitches to the number of rows. It's time-consuming as hell, but it's doing wonders for my stress levels and helps me zone out of everything that's going on in RL. For that it's a priceless investment.

I felt like I posted this side story before, but I couldn't find it. Sorry?

Timeline: takes place during the events of The Foxhole Court, the first day all of the Foxes are back in South Carolina for summer practices. An older story, so not as refined as it should be, but...

Saturday, July 26, 2014

I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies

+ What's on: Take Me to Church, by Hozier

Progress check: Two betas down, one to go, and we've almost got a cover ready.

Am relieved and panicked in turns. How to say it without sounding like a raving lunatic...? The Foxes have been a crutch and an obsession for sixteen years. They got me through high school, college, and the ugly introduction to the so-called real world; they've been there for me across three countries, four states, and ten addresses. In a way I don't know who I am without them. There are other projects, yes. Some of them are even older than the Foxes' story is, but I never threw myself at them with the same frenzied focus.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for your patience and encouraging words and unflagging support. I desperately hope the story doesn't disappoint. I have a gnawing fear that I'll become one of those cautionary tales several of you referenced and that the story is still going to be a lopsided and horrid mess after all. Guess we'll find out, hm? Soon, soon, soon.

Add a little nonsense to your day? I made a couple baby albums on 8tracks between working on notes from beta1 and beta2. 8 songs for the Foxes & 8 songs for Neil, taken from my (ridiculously over-long) playlist. Made playlists for the upperclassmen & relationship!Neil, but ended up not uploading the songs. Figured enough was enough, for now.

1. Paperthin Hymn (Anberlin) 2. Dark Horses (Switchfoot) 3. Comeback (Redlight King) 4. Innocent (Our Lady Peace) 5. Are We All We Are (P!nk) 6. Hall of Fame (The Script ft will.i.am) 7. The Kids From Yesterday (My Chemical Romance) 8. Rooftops - A Liberation Broadcast (Lostprophets)

1. Capricorn - A Brand New Name (30 Seconds to Mars) 2. Brand New Day (Ryan Star) 3. Angels on the Moon (Thriving Ivory) 4. Comfortable Liar (Chevelle) 5. The Bird and the Worm (The Used) 6. Who Are You, Really? (Mikky Ekko) 7. Breathe (Greenwheel) 8. Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Green Day)

Friday, June 13, 2014

this brokenness inside me might start healing

+ What's on: The House That Built Me, by Miranda Lambert

First: Not going to waste our time with explanations, partly because they won't change a thing, partly because a wannabe-blog like this is no place for what I could say. Same-old, same-old nonsense anyway.

Second: You can say whatever you want to me and about me; I know I've earned it and none of you have any reason to trust me and still be sticking around. But please play nice with each other? ♥

Third: The King's Men is out of my hands and with the betas. When I have a turnaround time estimate, you'll have a date. As soon as possible, I promise.

Monday, March 31, 2014

I'm gonna dig six feet up tonight

+ What's on: Comeback, by Redlight King

Good thing I'd planned on moving in 2014--that moving fund and my credit card just barely kept us afloat. We're effectively stranded here another year, but we're finally a two-income household again. I was bitter about it when I had to make the decision to gut my savings account, but I'm too tired to be angry about it anymore. What matters is that we made it and we can start finding our feet again.

I took the promotion. I was right when I said it'd be a noticeable pay cut. I knew we couldn't afford it at the time, but I did it anyway. Probably the only smart decision I've made this year, as I've stopped hating going to work in the morning. It's done wonders for my sanity.

All that RL nonsense aside.... Thank you. Thank you for the comments, the emails, the tumblr asks, the tweets, the messages. I'm sorry I couldn't respond. I'd hit a place where knowing people were waiting for me to say something made me retreat further. The only way to get through the last few months was to shut out as much of everything as I could. Not a healthy mindset or the best kneejerk reaction, but.

Last time I posted (forever and a year ago) I said I got to a chapter and a half from the end before realizing I had to rewrite an entire section. I also said I was losing track of the characters' motives due to outside stresses. Followed people's advice and reread the books.. then started rewriting an entire character's arc and personality.

They say "write what you know". There should be a disclaimer on that. When you are feeling trapped, the very last thing you should do is write a character who has hit the end of his desperate rope. It will backfire tremendously. I can't count how many times I opened this file and closed it again with a violent nope.

But here we are, and I can breathe again. You have no reason to believe me, and no reason to stick with me, but we are finally reaching the end of the road. I promise.

Also: today is March 31st--Neil Josten's birthday.

One more for the road, Neil.

Let's make it count.

Friday, January 3, 2014

o death won't you spare me over another year

+ What's on: O Death, Jen Titus (Supernatural)

First off: Happy Holidays and Happy New Year. I'm a bit late on both, I know. Thank you for the lovely comments and your unending patience and for all still being here.

2014 already, hm? Wow.

The good news is there's only one and a half chapters left of the King's Men rewrite. The bad news is, of course, that I am now over three months behind schedule. For a while there I was feeling optimistic -- for a while edits were good and everything was working out. Then a fatal flaw meant ripping out half of the story and rewriting it from scratch. Then life happened, but that's going behind a cut further down because .. I don't know. I guess it feels TMI? My life, my problems. Not trying to make excuses or anything. I partly feel like I owe you an explanation and partly just need to write it down somewhere.

I'm still writing every moment I can, but everything I manage gets erased and rewritten. Stress has blown these critical final scenes into over-dramatic cliches and pointless confrontations and I've completely lost touch with the characters. Doing what I can and taking it slow, but thank god for betas. I need them now more than ever.