Tuesday, August 12, 2014

all smiles and no one remembers our names

+ What's on: Alexithymia, by Anberlin

Sorry, no news yet! Have reread book 3 since getting it back from the first two betas, though, and am happy (surprised?) to say I'm pleased with it. Is it perfect? Nothing ever will be. But it's the ending I wanted for the series.

Distracting myself with more Star Wars: The Old Republic than is probably healthy, but it's mindless entertainment. (Anyone else play?) I've tried figuring out a project to work on next, but I can't keep my thoughts settled on any one book. At least I'm thinking about writing again... for a few weeks I thought I'd just give up on writing entirely to make my life easier.

This past weekend I decided to learn how to crochet. For my first project I am (of course) working on an orange and white blanket. At the rate I'm going it will be done sometime next year. I probably should've aimed for something smaller and simpler as a first project, but ha! I damned myself when I tried to figure out how big to make it, because then everything about it had to have meaning, from the number of stitches to the number of rows. It's time-consuming as hell, but it's doing wonders for my stress levels and helps me zone out of everything that's going on in RL. For that it's a priceless investment.

I felt like I posted this side story before, but I couldn't find it. Sorry?

Timeline: takes place during the events of The Foxhole Court, the first day all of the Foxes are back in South Carolina for summer practices. An older story, so not as refined as it should be, but...

Saturday, July 26, 2014

I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies

+ What's on: Take Me to Church, by Hozier

Progress check: Two betas down, one to go, and we've almost got a cover ready.

Am relieved and panicked in turns. How to say it without sounding like a raving lunatic...? The Foxes have been a crutch and an obsession for sixteen years. They got me through high school, college, and the ugly introduction to the so-called real world; they've been there for me across three countries, four states, and ten addresses. In a way I don't know who I am without them. There are other projects, yes. Some of them are even older than the Foxes' story is, but I never threw myself at them with the same frenzied focus.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for your patience and encouraging words and unflagging support. I desperately hope the story doesn't disappoint. I have a gnawing fear that I'll become one of those cautionary tales several of you referenced and that the story is still going to be a lopsided and horrid mess after all. Guess we'll find out, hm? Soon, soon, soon.

Add a little nonsense to your day? I made a couple baby albums on 8tracks between working on notes from beta1 and beta2. 8 songs for the Foxes & 8 songs for Neil, taken from my (ridiculously over-long) playlist. Made playlists for the upperclassmen & relationship!Neil, but ended up not uploading the songs. Figured enough was enough, for now.

1. Paperthin Hymn (Anberlin) 2. Dark Horses (Switchfoot) 3. Comeback (Redlight King) 4. Innocent (Our Lady Peace) 5. Are We All We Are (P!nk) 6. Hall of Fame (The Script ft will.i.am) 7. The Kids From Yesterday (My Chemical Romance) 8. Rooftops - A Liberation Broadcast (Lostprophets)

1. Capricorn - A Brand New Name (30 Seconds to Mars) 2. Brand New Day (Ryan Star) 3. Angels on the Moon (Thriving Ivory) 4. Comfortable Liar (Chevelle) 5. The Bird and the Worm (The Used) 6. Who Are You, Really? (Mikky Ekko) 7. Breathe (Greenwheel) 8. Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Green Day)

Friday, June 13, 2014

this brokenness inside me might start healing

+ What's on: The House That Built Me, by Miranda Lambert

First: Not going to waste our time with explanations, partly because they won't change a thing, partly because a wannabe-blog like this is no place for what I could say. Same-old, same-old nonsense anyway.

Second: You can say whatever you want to me and about me; I know I've earned it and none of you have any reason to trust me and still be sticking around. But please play nice with each other? ♥

Third: The King's Men is out of my hands and with the betas. When I have a turnaround time estimate, you'll have a date. As soon as possible, I promise.

Monday, March 31, 2014

I'm gonna dig six feet up tonight

+ What's on: Comeback, by Redlight King

Good thing I'd planned on moving in 2014--that moving fund and my credit card just barely kept us afloat. We're effectively stranded here another year, but we're finally a two-income household again. I was bitter about it when I had to make the decision to gut my savings account, but I'm too tired to be angry about it anymore. What matters is that we made it and we can start finding our feet again.

I took the promotion. I was right when I said it'd be a noticeable pay cut. I knew we couldn't afford it at the time, but I did it anyway. Probably the only smart decision I've made this year, as I've stopped hating going to work in the morning. It's done wonders for my sanity.

All that RL nonsense aside.... Thank you. Thank you for the comments, the emails, the tumblr asks, the tweets, the messages. I'm sorry I couldn't respond. I'd hit a place where knowing people were waiting for me to say something made me retreat further. The only way to get through the last few months was to shut out as much of everything as I could. Not a healthy mindset or the best kneejerk reaction, but.

Last time I posted (forever and a year ago) I said I got to a chapter and a half from the end before realizing I had to rewrite an entire section. I also said I was losing track of the characters' motives due to outside stresses. Followed people's advice and reread the books.. then started rewriting an entire character's arc and personality.

They say "write what you know". There should be a disclaimer on that. When you are feeling trapped, the very last thing you should do is write a character who has hit the end of his desperate rope. It will backfire tremendously. I can't count how many times I opened this file and closed it again with a violent nope.

But here we are, and I can breathe again. You have no reason to believe me, and no reason to stick with me, but we are finally reaching the end of the road. I promise.

Also: today is March 31st--Neil Josten's birthday.

One more for the road, Neil.

Let's make it count.

Friday, January 3, 2014

o death won't you spare me over another year

+ What's on: O Death, Jen Titus (Supernatural)

First off: Happy Holidays and Happy New Year. I'm a bit late on both, I know. Thank you for the lovely comments and your unending patience and for all still being here.

2014 already, hm? Wow.

The good news is there's only one and a half chapters left of the King's Men rewrite. The bad news is, of course, that I am now over three months behind schedule. For a while there I was feeling optimistic -- for a while edits were good and everything was working out. Then a fatal flaw meant ripping out half of the story and rewriting it from scratch. Then life happened, but that's going behind a cut further down because .. I don't know. I guess it feels TMI? My life, my problems. Not trying to make excuses or anything. I partly feel like I owe you an explanation and partly just need to write it down somewhere.

I'm still writing every moment I can, but everything I manage gets erased and rewritten. Stress has blown these critical final scenes into over-dramatic cliches and pointless confrontations and I've completely lost touch with the characters. Doing what I can and taking it slow, but thank god for betas. I need them now more than ever.

Friday, November 15, 2013

falling into empty space no one there to catch you in their arms

+ What's on: Iridescent, by Linkin Park

Short version: King's Men release date has been pushed back from December. It should've gone to the betas in September if I wanted to hit that deadline. It's still sitting on my computer. New goal is January.

Longer version: Hey, lovies. Been a while, yes?

I actually started this post about a month and a half ago, but didn't finish. Tried again twice in October. Thought about deleting everything and just writing a couple lines, like, "Hey, guys, bad news, things aren't going well!" but then I thought "Maybe things will turn around if I just give it a little more time.." and I walked away from blogger again to wait everything out. Obviously that didn't work either.

As you've probably guessed from the silence on this end, edits aren't going well. Has a lot to do with the issues I alluded to in the last post. Things haven't gotten better and I don't expect them to any time soon. Strong chance they're actually going to get worse, but hey, that's what keeps life interesting. Right?

Along the way I let that stress/exhaustion/anger interfere with the things that are most important to me, and I've basically run all of my projects into the ground. My one goal for this weekend (well, aside from cleaning the wreck I've made of the apartment) is to figure out how to salvage them. I'll get back on track one way or another, but I'm sorry I didn't sort it out sooner.

Promise to keep in better touch while I deal with this mess. Thanks for your patience ♥♥

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

there was just this breath of air between and I couldn't breathe

+ What's on: I Couldn't Breathe, Lennon

I realized it's been a while, so I sat down and wrote a post. I read it over, realized it was way too rambling and personal, and erased it. Attempted a couple relevant bullet points instead, but that was boring. I'll sum it up instead and move on to something more appropriate: life is complicated, I can't wait to move out of North Carolina, and I have a list a mile long of books I want to read but can't until I'm done with edits.

See, that was much easier.

I'm behind on fixing and posting Fox back-stories, which is a little sad, but I don't want to slow the King's Men rewrite to work on them. For the most part, the rewrite is going well. There are just a whole lot of new scenes I wasn't expecting, and that's slowing everything down.

I've already figured out which project to rework next, but I'm trying not to think too much about it. I don't want to get distracted. I'm starting to get excited, though. I'll probably drink myself numb when I have to let go of King's Men and consider the Fox books done, but it'll be nice to leave contemporary fiction behind. All of my other projects are fantasy or urban fantasy/horror. It's gonna be a rough transition at first, I think.

Anyway, consider this my check-in: still alive, still editing, and still--as far as I know--on schedule for December. Love you guys ♥♥♥