Monday, March 31, 2014

I'm gonna dig six feet up tonight

+ What's on: Comeback, by Redlight King

Good thing I'd planned on moving in 2014--that moving fund and my credit card just barely kept us afloat. We're effectively stranded here another year, but we're finally a two-income household again. I was bitter about it when I had to make the decision to gut my savings account, but I'm too tired to be angry about it anymore. What matters is that we made it and we can start finding our feet again.

I took the promotion. I was right when I said it'd be a noticeable pay cut. I knew we couldn't afford it at the time, but I did it anyway. Probably the only smart decision I've made this year, as I've stopped hating going to work in the morning. It's done wonders for my sanity.

All that RL nonsense aside.... Thank you. Thank you for the comments, the emails, the tumblr asks, the tweets, the messages. I'm sorry I couldn't respond. I'd hit a place where knowing people were waiting for me to say something made me retreat further. The only way to get through the last few months was to shut out as much of everything as I could. Not a healthy mindset or the best kneejerk reaction, but.

Last time I posted (forever and a year ago) I said I got to a chapter and a half from the end before realizing I had to rewrite an entire section. I also said I was losing track of the characters' motives due to outside stresses. Followed people's advice and reread the books.. then started rewriting an entire character's arc and personality.

They say "write what you know". There should be a disclaimer on that. When you are feeling trapped, the very last thing you should do is write a character who has hit the end of his desperate rope. It will backfire tremendously. I can't count how many times I opened this file and closed it again with a violent nope.

But here we are, and I can breathe again. You have no reason to believe me, and no reason to stick with me, but we are finally reaching the end of the road. I promise.

Also: today is March 31st--Neil Josten's birthday.

One more for the road, Neil.

Let's make it count.

    That finally got Andrew to lower his arm. "Little leagues, he says. I distinctly remember you telling people you learned to play in Millport."

    "Partial truth," Neil said. "I knew how to play Exy. I just didn't know how to play offense. I didn't want to be a striker, but Coach Hernandez didn't have any room on his defense line. It was striker or nothing, and I wanted to play too badly to walk away. Now I can't imagine playing anything else."

    Andrew said nothing for a while, then, "You're more a raccoon than a fox."

    Neil stared. "What?"

    "A raccoon," Andrew said, and mimed holding a ball in front of his face. "Exy is the shiny object of your sad little world. You know you're being hunted and you know the hounds are closing in, but you won't let go to save yourself. You once told me you don't understand why a person would actively try to die, but here you are. I guess that was another lie."

    "I'm not trying to die," Neil said. "This is how I stay alive. When I'm playing, I feel like I have control over something. I feel like I have the power to change things. I feel more real out there than I do anywhere else. The court doesn't care what my name is or where I'm from or where I'll be tomorrow. It lets me exist as I am."

    "It is a court," Andrew said. "It does not 'let' you do anything."

    "You know what I mean."

    "I don't."

    "Because you don't have anything, do you?" Neil said in quiet challenge. "Nothing gets to you like that. Nothing gets under your skin."

    "He catches on at last," Andrew mused. "It only took him a year."


Tabbygray said...

Hooray! It's so good to see you're back! And so good to hear you feel a bit better. I hope things are on their way up now. You mustn't worry about the book - you and yours (and your sanity!) are more important.
As mentioned by another fan, I'm sure we're not the only ones who are happy to pay the proper price for the next book because the whole series is SO worth it, so please don't sell yourself short!
All the best.
Patricia X

maryvel said...

Yesssss! I've been checking back here every day since that last comment you posted, I'm such a creepy lurker, but I knew it would pay off eventually. ^^
All I can say is you're awesome and I can't wait and every second will have been well worth it.
And don't worry, everybody knows you're human and that you have a life outside of the books, so do we, but that won't keep us from creepy stalking your blog. Sorry not sorry! xD
So happy right now...

Jessi Nguyen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jessi Nguyen said...


I'm super excited to hear from you!! I cannot say that I understand your struggles because I didn't experience them. But I am super happy that you have found your way again. :D I, and probably many others, kept coming back here to check up on you so again extremely glad that you're ok.

It may not mean much but I extremely love your books and characters. I can't wait for the book to come out.
Until then I will re-read the books again.. and again XD


Carrie Clay said...

So wonderful to hear from you! I can empathize with the way you retreated from everyone. After my mom passed away, I only came out of my house to pick my son up from school. For about three months I let my ex (we were still married at the time) do everything. Definitely NOT the healthiest way to live, but it was what I had to do at the time.
It's great that you're writing again. Even if you don't get TKM finished any time soon, it's got to feel good to not be blocked anymore, hmm?
In the meantime, continue on your path to personal wellbeing, and remember that even though you may need to, you don't have to walk alone.

Solare said...

Welcome back and I'm glad things are looking up for you!

Evalangui said...

Welcome back! That bit there was EXCELLENT. Now I want to reread the books! (I'm trying to save the reread for book 3 but I might not make it).

I'm in a similar situation at the moment, I might have to lose all my savings to deal with a debt that I shouldn't even be taking care of... I kinda wonder if I will feel better once I do it, even poorer, but without the problem constantly in my mind. You certainly seem much more centered now!

Don't ever feel like we are EXPECTING anything, but, oth, isn't it your own experience with extreme situations that allows you to write them so well? I mean, write what you know DOES work to your advantage sometimes, at the very least you can recycle your pain into awesome fiction.

Lege Artis said...

Yay, so happy you are back!
Neil and rest of the gang are terribly missed, but your reasons are understandable. ;)

Lea said...

She lives! RL sucks donkey balls. >.< I'm glad you feel happy going to work now; I had that same thought too, which is why I'm glad at my current job, even if it's unstable. Funny story--I had a dream that I met you and we had this weird adventure that I don't remember anymore, but it prompted me to check your blog on my phone in the middle of the night, which is when I saw an update! That's not creepy at all, haha!
Anyway, much love and support, and know that your fans are as patient and loyal as they are stalkerish. :D

Groverat said...

I am so glad you are feeling up to writing again!! I completely understand the need to retreat, and honestly, most of my work has been better for it. You take care of you, and when you have the energy and the muse strikes, it will all pour out onto the pages again.

Evalangui said...

I did not make it... I´m rereading "The Foxhole Court" and have started thinking about the possible underlying meanings.

Is "court" intended to echo the "king" in book 2? is "foxhole" meant to be a place to hide or just the home of foxes? I would love to know, if you feel like explaining :p


JamieCowanReed said...

Just like maryvel, I feel like a creepy lurker checking back daily to see if today is the day!!! You have such a great talent and a knack for creating characters I want to know more about them. I can wait for book three!!!!

e5487fb6-dd29-11e3-8d50-000bcdca4d7a said...

I haven't slept in 48 hours and it's entirely your fault - I picked up your first two books at the same time and once I started on Foxhole I just knew I was up crap-creek in a deflated inner tube; i.e. no sleep in my near future and I was right.

I read them both nonstop, back to back and I just finished this morning around 6:30 am. I absolutely refused to keel over and die into sleep though until I could finally get online and see when the last book was due out only to read on Amazon by another reviewer that you might not be finishing it.

Needless to say, physically speaking, after my reading-bender I was feeling just as beat up as Neil and just as strung out when I read that so the next thing I knew for a few minutes, I was channeling Andrew and wanted to murder something violently. In a desperate bid to save my sanity, I rushed right over here to your blog and nearly sobbed with relief.

I am SO happy to hear that the third book is back in production. I have a horrible track record with series books mainly because I hate waiting for the next one (patience is NOT a virtue in my case) so it feels like fate that I ended up reading your books when I did.

Had I blown through them weeks or months ago I think I would've actually done it. Thrown my POS laptop out my dining room window. I need a new one anyway... Please, PLEASE never stop writing again.

I know it's a ridiculous request as real life steamrolls over all of us but just as your fans help you get through life, your books help us - or me in this case - get through life as well. You're FAR too talented to EVER fall by the wayside.

I've never, in all my years, come across an author quite like you so any literary disappearance would just tear us all to shreds. Please never give up. Just as I typed that this stupid quote (from Sarah Palin of all people) popped into my head: "Don't retreat, reload."

Before I finally collapse comatose face first on the nearest available flat surface (the floor probably), I'm wishing you and those you love all the happiness, health, safety and affection the world has to offer. xxxxx

Rachel Morrissey said...

I just reread the first two again. Can not wait for the last one. Happy birthday to Neil and glad to hear you are doing better.

lime-yay said...

Hi Mami!

I miss you! I miss the Foxes! I saw these boys on ESPN and NPR and thought of you:

Two brothers and their cousin making history at a school not really known for lacrosse. Sounds like Andrew, Aaron and Nicky! Seriously, check out the article, there are a few fun coincidences.

Anyway, I hope you are doing well! How's life and writing and things? I hope you have some capacity to work on All the King's Men or The King's Men or submit some drafts to publishers or however big kid writing works. <3


tsquaire said...

I really really really miss you! When I started The Foxhole Court last year I instantly fell in love and flew through the book! Then I read The Raven King and it just got even better. I just can't wait to read the next (and last! D':) installment in this story. I've come here nearly everyday hoping for an update (even though I understand why there may not be one). I really hope to hear more soon though! Hopefully the next thing your fans hear will be a release date.

878MG said...

I'm just going to leave it here:

And hope we'll hear from you soon :)

Cheryl Arvidson-Keating said...

Just low-key encouragement from me; I had some birthday money given and was hoping to be able to spend it on book three, so got to googling!

I totally get the stalled-by-real-life issue. I find I've got to deal with the real-life stuff before I can engage with the non-real things.

Gemma Mac said...

I love the books are can't wait for the next one!!
Wondering if anyone new a release date yet :)

Misteline said...

No lie, I'm taking great pleasure in drawing new people into the hell of waiting! Take your time, make it a work you can be proud of, and take care of yourself. I'm going to keep increasing the ranks of people waiting with baited breath, and checking the site daily.

As a side note, one of my friends stated that they would like to be able to donate money to shore up the differential between the quality of the materials and how much we pay for them. I agree, the books are lovely and I want to give you more money.

Goddess Athena said...

Seriously how long is it going to take for you to release this book? The year is already half way gone and this book should have been released last December. What is going on?

Misteline said...

Have you read any of her other blog posts? IRL stuff and difficulties in her creative process are entirely reasonable. Life happens, if she wants to share more thats cool, but I doubt anyone here is entitled to even what she's told us thus far. Her sharing her work is a gift, no one here has any claim on it.

Q said...

I wholeheartedly second Misteline: take your time, take care of yourself. The books are too good to drop, we're not going anywhere; When the last book is out we'll all be here to buy it, and you should definitely up the price a bit. Just don't feel pressured or discouraged.
Hope life's looking up.

Goddess Athena said...

@Misteline, please stay in your own lane and address those that want to hear from you. Don't give a shit about what you are saying since I don't give a shit about you. Who are you, again? My comment was for the author, the one who actually wishes to be considered one and hope to make money from writing. Have a seat.

gin said...

Mary, I think you can delete the above comments if it bothers you. @Goddess, please refrain from being rude as much as possible, because other people are reading this blog too and you cant just come in here and spread this negativity.

The author has explain aptly how some things in life takes precedence over this book.

A lot of people have been waiting for King's Men, while its still not here, I suggest us folks should spread the 2 books to our internet friends to help expand its readership, and wait patiently until Mary is done with book 3.

Most of us I guess are accustom to waiting for book release. I remember clearly this book called A song of fire and Ice? ah man, I love it dearly and its one of my all time favorites, but hell, its sequel was such a nightmare to wait for! Hahaha.

Goddess Athena said...

Gin, it is people like you who are spreading negativity by NOT minding your own damn business. Where in any of my comments did I address you or asked for your opinion. Everyone is entitled to their opinion so please mind your own damn business instead of what I am doing or commenting. My questions were for the author not you or that other busy body Misteline. So please do not address me or comment towards be because you don't know me nor do I want you too. So stay in your lane.

marynoel said...

I respect your right to be mad at me for not releasing the book in a reasonable amount of time or properly communicating when things fell so far behind, but I will ask you one more time: please keep that anger directed at me and stop fighting with each other. This thread escalated awfully quickly to outright rudeness.

Goddess Athena said...

Listen lady, I am done with you okay. You are very unprofessional so i can see why you can't succeed as a successful author. Did I comment to others starting problems? No. It is your other so called fans who don't know there place and came at me making comments. I didn't address any of these bitches until they started addressing me. Now you are on here choosing sides and telling me this shit about being rude? Bitch fuck you and your fucking crew. Now that is rude and that's what I should have said to your lame as crew when they first started addressing me. Goodbye best of luck with you and your book when you eventually release it.

878MG said...

Kids these days, aye? Seem to think whole internet should adjust itself around them, not the other way.