+ What's on: O Death, Jen Titus (Supernatural)
First off: Happy Holidays and Happy New Year. I'm a bit late on both, I know. Thank you for the lovely comments and your unending patience and for all still being here.
2014 already, hm? Wow.
The good news is there's only one and a half chapters left of the King's Men rewrite. The bad news is, of course, that I am now over three months behind schedule. For a while there I was feeling optimistic -- for a while edits were good and everything was working out. Then a fatal flaw meant ripping out half of the story and rewriting it from scratch. Then life happened, but that's going behind a cut further down because .. I don't know. I guess it feels TMI? My life, my problems. Not trying to make excuses or anything. I partly feel like I owe you an explanation and partly just need to write it down somewhere.
I'm still writing every moment I can, but everything I manage gets erased and rewritten. Stress has blown these critical final scenes into over-dramatic cliches and pointless confrontations and I've completely lost touch with the characters. Doing what I can and taking it slow, but thank god for betas. I need them now more than ever.
Let's talk about 2013 and how glad I am to see it gone. A little disappointing it was such a sour year, because 13 is my lucky number. Not all of it was bad, of course. I got some major work done book-wise and I've met so many lovely people here. But the last half of the year got almost out of control. I can't list everything that's gone wrong without bogging down the blog or depressing myself, but the two major---setbacks? problems? tragedies?---are work and death.
I've taken over the entirety of the household bills, which means I'm scrabbling for OT where I can get it and putting anything I can on my credit card to worry about later. (Not the most mature route, but hey.) Going to run out of room soon but hopefully I'll find a second job before that happens. My chances of getting a promotion at work are looking good, but the chances of that new position making less money than I am now are even better.
The more recent world-stopper is that in the last two months my best friend had a cancer scare (false alarm, thank goodness) and three others were diagnosed. One is a colleague I went through training with who discovered the tumor by chance--they were scanning her in the wake of an auto accident and found a it in her lymph nodes. The other is a family friend who we thought had successfully battled her way to safety.
The third was my aunt, who was diagnosed with stomach cancer and initially put on the backburner because she had no health insurance. I don't know how they finally got her onto an operating table, but she didn't wake up again. My mother was in town for Christmas when we got the call saying they were taking Aunt K off life support. It was the last call any of us expected to get and I thought the shock would kill Mom on the spot. They put the phone to K's ear so Mom could say a few last words to her. How do you say goodbye to someone like that? What do you say? I'm proud of you, I love you, I'll miss you, don't be afraid?
Something about this family and Christmas, I guess--my aunt's funeral was one year to the day after my grandmother died from kidney failure. Mom thinks our family should run away for Christmas next year. Tempting thought.
I spent the last two months of 2013 in a little shell. I wished exactly 4 people a Merry Christmas: the people of my immediate family. It didn't occur to me to reach out to friends or coworkers until days later. 2014 is the year for putting everything back together again - personal life, work life, writing, etc. I've said it before, but hey. Try, try again, right? No matter what.
Quasi-related, I've decided to forego resolutions this year. Instead I'm making a bucket list. Anyone else have one and want to tell us about their dreams?