Tuesday, July 12, 2011

even a blueprint is a gift and a curse

+ What's On: When They Come For Me, Linkin Park

Dudes, I'm not so good at this blogging thing. Twitter's more my style, I guess, since I can fire off random things throughout the day that have no substance whatsoever.

Real-life update:
- Quit the laundromat. (YES) Haven't quit the cafe yet. (Noooo) Now work part-time at a kitchen in a bar a couple nights a week (Yes!)
 - I am also attempting to do p90x. IT HURTS US

On a writing front, things aren't going anywhere fast, but hey, that's life in the publishing industry, right? I'm running out of ideas on who to query with my urban fantasy. Most of my energy these days goes to a new project, a YA urban fantasy set in San Francisco. The story has potential, I think, but it's fighting me every single step of the way. This is a good thing, I think, since it hopefully means less serious issues when I'm revising.

Also, last time I posted (in January!), I said I was trying to overhaul a project. I killed that idea. Here's the thing: I have a love-hate relationship with all my stories, but there's one that means the absolute world to me. Unfortunately it's also the one with the least chance of success. This January I thought I'd do anything to better the odds. I stole the characters from that book and put them in a new one.

Mistake.

I made it only three or four chapters in and then I couldn't stand it anymore. It absolutely broke my heart. If the story ever succeeded and I got The Call from an agent, I think I'd bawl my eyes out knowing I killed a story's soul for the sake of getting published. I'd rather trunk the entire thing as-is than do that. So I put my story back together again piece by piece.

Common sense says to give up on the book, to put it online for friends and anyone to read, to be happy that anyone's reading it at all. But I can't, not yet. If I don't believe in this story, who will?

Anyway, I'm off to finish laundry and get some sleep. 3AM comes way too fast.

7 comments:

Kori said...

I will believe in that story with you. I'm not sure if my fangirling and spazzing about it really put it forth for you HOW. FUCKING. MUCH. I love AftG. If I was able, it would be at the top of my "Favourite Books Ever?" list. Even above Robin McKinley, and she's at the top now only because I can't tell people to go read AftG.

And even that doesn't come close. I often fall in love with characters (and wonder how to make my characters lovable in return) but it usually takes a couple chapters. Its usually a process like "Oh, I kinda like him. ... He's my favourite. ... OMG, I'M IN LOVE WITH A FICTIONAL CHARACTER!"

But for me, it was what... three words? "And Andrew, the "Foxes Psychotic Goalie" ... And I was gone. A psychotic goalie? I have to read this. And then you let me, and it just cemented my love affair with the whole thing. I even fell in love with Neil the further the story got, and Aaron to an extent, and Riko to an even smaller extent, and I always just liked Kevin as a friend, but I appreciated his part in the story.

I think that all you have to do is believe in it. I come across as fairly easy to please when it comes to things, but I'm also intensely picky. I so rarely pick up new books by new authors because I'm wary of getting outside my comfort zone, and instead I'm working on collecting all the books my favourite authors have ever published.

But also, if you give it a chance to be loved (I never quite understood if the agent who asked for a partial on it requested the threesome get axed or if you decided it needed to be 86ed after the request for the partial) I think you'll find that other people do love it, and then you'll make MY dreams come true by giving me a published version that I can wave in everyone's faces and scream at them to read it - but not my copy, they have to get their own, because I'm not letting mine out of my sight.

Kori said...

Um. Huge comment is huge.



...Sorry. XDD

marynoel said...

ILU KORI

Kori said...

Haha. ILU2. But everything I said is just truth. <3

Kori said...

I was like WHOA, FOUR COMMENTS, LET ME BE NOSY.

Then I realised it was mostly me. Fangirling about the best piece of fiction I've ever read (and hate for not being able to read it again. And again. And again. It's locked on a harddrive that I may or may not be able to access ever again. Sadface.)

But that comment was made... eh, in August? So... about five months ago. Long enough that I've completely forgotten that I made it in the first place, but as I was rereading it, it amused me. "I LOVE EVERYONE!... Except Kevin, I only just LIKE Kevin." And that reminded me of the last time you texted me about it (my phone is dead because my money is being siphoned into a black hole) you were thinking of writing Kevin out of the equation (I think - honestly - that it would surprise you if you could know how OFTEN I think of this trilogy. I pick apart what I can remember and squee over favourite parts, and the rest of the time I cry quietly because I have an imperfect memory and the rest of the story is unattainable.) I think about what that would do to the dynamics of the story, and WHY. EXACTLY. What is it about each one of them that the other needs so badly? I know that they do - you've told me straight up, and I've seen it at work (even if I can't remember most of it) - and I spend some of my free time thinking about them. More than some. More than I'd like to admit to, actually. I think about what Exy means to Andrew, and even though Neil's "ALL for the Game" what does Andrew get out of it? It's been... what, two...three years since I read it? Blew through it, actually, since I couldn't type fast enough to get the next chapter from you. (Note: I've tried that method with other things, especially now that I'm painstakingly and snail-pacedly trying to revise - the "for every X amount of words, I can do something special!" but I can't stick to it because I haven't found anything that I love quite as much to motivate me to Get Moving the way AftG did. Sad, I'm aware. XD)

And on a not-quite-totally unrelated note, I reread my Camp Nano novel from last summer and realised that I have finally attained the goal I've always dreamed of - I fell in love with my own fictional character on the reread. 8D The story needs work (of course) and there are glaring plot holes and vacancies where I just skipped over scenes in the interest of moving the story along, but I am so pleased with myself that I wrote a character that I looked back on months later and loved. 8DD

... I just finished rereading the comment I left you, and realised that this comment is probably going to dwarf it in size.

It's been what, two or three years since I first read AftG? I'm STILL a screaming fangirl who can't get it out of her head. <3

marynoel said...

Kori:

You're crazy, but I like that about you <3

I was startled when I read this comment, because I forgot I wrote Kevin out of the relationship after you'd read it. I tweaked all of book 1's conversation & meaningful looks etc, but stopped a chapter or two into book 2 - why put so much time into a project that wasn't going anywhere when I could be working on something new, and all. A part of me regrets the change, but it was starting to feel gratuitous, and really, I think it works better this way.

Congrats on the progress with Camp NaNo! It's hard to work on projects when you can't connect with the MCs, yeah? Glad you found one that hooked you. Hopefully he/she is enough to get you through all your revisions & rewrites.

Kori said...

Haha. XD I'm not sure whether to be amused or not. Ono, crazy? But it's okay, so... *shrug* X3

<3

I've mentioned before that I am perfectly capable (and willing) to go on... and on... and on... and on some more... and on... about how much I loved AftG. I've expressed in the past that I was worried I'd chase you off one day with it, but then you were like, "nono, it's my baby, tell me good things about it." Which - note here - I did NOT take as carte blanche to go on and on always, and there have been times when I've been like 'Okay, shut up now.' It helps that I haven't read it in years (I'm sure you remember me keeping a side note about all the interested behind the scenes stuff) because I can't remember DETAILS. All I remember are vague scenes and a few lines ("A hateful little purr" struck me blind when I saw it, and has stayed with me since. I just LOVE that line. I forget what he'd said, but it was Andrew speaking, and you modified it with the above statement, and... yeah. Wonderment. XD) So all I can do is be boring and repeat "I LOVED IT! I LOVED IT! I LOVED IT!" at the top of my lungs. Or with one finger plastered to the shift key, whichever.

It kills me dead that one, I can't reread it, and two, you've all but let it go in favour of other things. That means that I can't reread it on my computer, OR in print. Another point of sadness is that it took you sending me your query letter to look over to get me into it. I could have had YEARS with it if I'd paid more attention to your original story LJ instead of plastering myself to your mami-san fanfics (and later the crab sushi one because YOU WENT HOME, and I was falling over myself with jealousy and wonderment and awe the whole time.) I didn't even find out about the original story LJ until you'd taken it down or hidden it or something by which point it was obviously too late. XD

I also feel that (in case you haven't noticed) this is a good time to point out I'm only a doctor's note away from being diagnosed with adult ADD (which is another reason I'm having such trouble with my revision - I sat down today to start in on it again, and then ended up checking my email, and writing to you, and listening to music, and playing solitaire, and basically just doing everything possible that is NOT revising.)

I was filling out one of those little "Tell me about yourself!" things and one of the questions was "Give ten random facts about yourself." About halfway through, I realised that I'd been adding asides to everything I'd already said, and added "I add asides to everything."
I'm rereading the comments (again) and found myself doing it in the old comment, and then looked this over and realised that every third sentence or so is something - else, (and new) - and often unrelated. XDDD

And to wrap up (yet another massive comment. ... It's because I can't get online all the time and chat to you via YIM or whatever we used to use, and because I've missed talking to you that now that I've got a chance back, it's all exploding out all over the place at once. XD I apologise.) I wanted to add "Thank you. <3 X3"